First Sight

Concrete steps
thuds under my feet
rushing patters
work work work.

Across the sea
of people
their heads
down
all dead
inside;
your eyes
catch
mine.

Life life life
rushing patters
thuds in my heart
abstract love.

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New

I said,
let me hold you
and you did.
I promised to be the
platform for your
ideals
the stage to your
innocence
the support you will
ever need.

You are the
dew of a new dawn.

You grew into such a
beauty
my pride and joy,
prism of light
of all things
natural and
right.

I was too green
too naive
too weak to
hold you up –
little parts of you
came together
and you grew
heavier at
heart.

I let you
down
And I mourned your
loss
I believed I had
failed;
I lost you.

But not forever,
for where you touched
the ground
another grew,
and I knew
a green grew right by me,
my company
your legacy.

And when the day comes
when I am no longer
as green as your legacy,
brown as the ground
you sacrificed yourself to
I will become the
fuel
to your legacy
give myself up
like you did
willingly
to the circle of
life.

 

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Life Lines

My grandmother took
my hand
she sighs
– such smooth hands,
ah to be young again –
her grasp full of
regrets
reaching for the
past
my hand a
conduit
to her lost
dreams.

But in her
hands
lines
that scribble secrets
of the
past
enveloped me.

That scar she got
saving the kitten
that will
share
her dreams
her pillow
for years to come;
that popping
vein
from carrying her
children;
the weathered
hands
that cleaned, scrubbed,
cooked
for her family;
the hands
that touched
fevered foreheads
of squirming grandchildren;
the hands that
held onto her husband
supporting him
raising him
to be the best
he could be
a lifetime shared
until the
end
as he whispered
I love you
one last time.

Ah, to have such
wonderful hands that
boasts of
lines of love,
hands that truly
lived.

 

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The Firsts of Someday

The sweat of your
mother’s brow
Her voice
rising to the
high heavens
My hand on hers
Band on
wedding band
comforting.

Then you gasped
hello
in short bursts
A new language
one I cannot
wait to learn.
Your wrinkly brow
red red skin
swaddled
loved
Sleeping gently.

I see it now
Sleepless nights
Utter screams
Bags under our
eyes
Chubbiness under
your eyes
leaning out.
Solid foods
Tottering feet
pattering music
around the house;
Training wheels
finally off.

First uniform
First friend
First crush
First heartbreak
First kiss.

I walk you
down the
aisle
Proud to see you
grown
Tears in my
eyes
giving you away.

But
But I had to
give you
away
too early.
I will never see
you smile at your own
child
You falling
in love
You falling
over your first
steps
Never fitting into
that baby
shoes
we got you in your
nursery.

Your wrinkled
wrinkled brow
Never crying
Tears from your
mother’s eyes
Band on
wedding band
My hand on hers
Comforting
That little
box
you’re swaddled
in
sleeping gently.
One day I’ll learn
your language
Not today maybe,
but someday
someday
I will
when I see
you again.

 

 

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Everywhere Evermore

Everything was promising
in spring
I walked into summer thinking
it’ll stay that way.
Before long summer
left
Autumn crawled in with
whispers of dreams
lost
Time slipping by
Going going
soon gone.

But you were
there
Re-flowering dandelion rare
in autumn fair
Breath of fresh
quiescent air
Don’t give up just
yet
Whispers embedded in every
tiny floret
a reminder of yesteryear
youth and
optimism.

Then they took you
away
The wind of
whispers
that you said not
to be afraid of
Wind that lifted us
up
Brought whisper of the
end
Winter came before I
was prepared to
lose you.
You went within
yourself
Unafraid
Told me to seek
within
for strength –

You burst forth
Seed head
Going, going
soon gone.
Don’t go, I said
Stay, I begged
This was the
end, I know
Nonsense, you said
not the end,
as the wind came
and whispered
your seeds of hope
and love
to the ends
of the
world,
in the cold light
of my
winter,
breathing courage into
me
and others
sprouting new
dreams
hopes
love
everywhere evermore.

 

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Sheep’s Embrace

Little sheep in
my arms
I had dreamt
I had dreamt
a little sheep
tiny, vulnerable
curled up
in my arms
hooves holding
on
nose within
the bend of my
elbow.

Its back
I see
I see
its back
sliced open
bloodless
entangled with
paraphernalia big and
small
a teddy bear
not beating
where its heart was
meant to be.

I feel
the horror
the horror
I feel
seeing my
sheep
so helpless
it needs me
it needs me to
stay still
not move
hold it precious
nestled in
my arms.

I cannot go
where I cannot
hold
you.

I’m awake now.

I had been
crying
I didn’t realise
was I even
screaming
inside
sliced up
for all the
world
to see.
Heart not beating.
Just a silent
nightmare,
you say
I’m nestled in
your arms
curled
tiny and lost.

You cannot go
where you cannot
hold
me.

You need to wake up now.

For me,
you had to
stay still
not move
not go where you
have
to go,
where you
need
to go.

Where you’re destined
to go.
Let me not
hold
you back.

So I’ll go
because
you should never
stay
for my
fractured
sliced up
self.

I’ll go
I’ll go
and be whole
first
We’ll meet
We’ll meet
as both
whole selves
in love
not
in need.

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Yesterday’s Photos

Light rain at
mom’s funeral,
dad’s angry tears
finally
all dried up.
He said –
“remember
everything,” as
his memories
lowered into the
ground
buried in his
heart.

So I
took
photos wherever
I went
whatever
I did.
But they all came
out blank
empty
meaningless.

Then along
you came
and gave me the
missing
piece of my
long-held
camera
so we could
take shots
of the
heart.

But soon we
didn’t
need a
camera anymore.
Why see
through
a lens
when we have
each other?

Together,
Good or Bad
– remember everything –

 

 

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